I have always loved cherry blossoms

Friday, 01 August 2008

Wednesday, 27 February 2008

  • I skipped calculus again today. Instead I wandered around downtown listening to Sonic Youth. I feel I am better off for it. In 20 years I am not going to care that I learned how to find the hypervolume of an irregularly-shaped lamina. But I am going to care that a little kid hugged me in the Second Cup by the Yorkville Cinema.

Monday, 11 February 2008

Tuesday, 01 January 2008

Friday, 28 December 2007

Monday, 24 December 2007

  • a warm place

    the worst thing about the first blue chinks of light I see through my curtains in the very, very early morning is knowing it wasn't a dream.

    the best thing about life is knowing you put it together.

Wednesday, 05 December 2007

  • in the cold I'm standing

    I keep having nightmares these days. people yelling in german, gunpowder everywhere. me locked up in a small pen. I can't find my identification. more german. I can't get out. everything is hot and dusty.

    "but these doors aren't locked from the outside."

    "bitte, entschuldigen, ich weiss nicht, wo mein ausweiss ist."

    my german is terrible these days. I wish I was not awake right now, but I don't want more nightmares. I want to work and get my paper done and do well. I don't want this anymore. I'm so tired.

    happy sinterklaas. maybe I will get absolutely hammered off of bisschopswijn tonight to make everything make sense again. ha ha! just kidding.
    bisschopswijn is non-alcoholic.

    zaheen is sleeping very restlessly tonight. I hope he's having good dreams.

Saturday, 03 November 2007

  • "Happy endings are for chumps", I tell myself as I swallow pain.

    "Nobody's happy. It's a mistake to think you can be."

    Either that or whatever there was dissappeared a long time ago.

    I'm a fucking drunk loser.

Friday, 19 October 2007

  • Catching sounds as they fall off the roof
    And thoughts land in the bushes

    Sounds crawl into his room every night
    to cut off his head and pluck out
    His vocal cords one by one

    I wrote that when I was 14.

    I can't write anymore, but I think I'm ok with that. Fair trade.

Tuesday, 02 October 2007

  • I'm the only person on earth who takes a knife into the bathtub just to break the seal around the stopper.

    I think I'm going to get another tattoo. It won't be what you think it will be of.

    I was right. I have a brother. Kind of.

Sunday, 30 September 2007

Monday, 24 September 2007

Friday, 21 September 2007

  • I AM GOING CRAZY.

    WHY WON'T YOU REPLY, I HAVE TO KNOW.

    AAAAAAAAAAA

  • You purchased 2 tickets to: 
    ______________________________
    _______________________________________________________________
    The Cure
    Air Canada Centre, Toronto, ON
    Thu, May 15, 2008 07:00 PM 


    Seat location: section 107, row 13, seats 5-6


    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA heeeeeee huuuuuuuuuh AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

  • I keep trying and yet it's still somehow never enough. I can barely keep my mind together anymore.

    I'm not at the bottom yet, but I hope when I get there, there'll still be somebody around to throw me a rope.

Sunday, 16 September 2007

  • I have two main goals in life:

    1) Plug out left ear to a ridiculous extent and get an extremely rude parrot to sit in it at all times.
    2) Be able to drink an Irish Car Bomb.

Wednesday, 12 September 2007

  • michael come and dance with me

    school started. I'm not sure if I'm going crazy or sane.

    oscillations and waves - the prof is a dick. no, we won't need differentials, but we sure as hell will need lin alg! (...what?) oh, I didn't make lin alg a pre- or co-requisite because surprises are fun amirite? hurrrr what.
    chemical physics - wake me up in three months when it's time to take the midterm.
    calc 2 - what the fuck is this shit
    rop - I will never have time to read all this shit but at least my supervisor has a cool fiancee.

    and inorganic chemistry is the mystery class I have never attended. I think I will drop it and take thermal physics next semester instead.

    deja vu has been my permanent state of being these days. I apologize to all my friends and loves who have been alienated. but through all the double differentials, vectors, scalars and tensors, vibrating drum skins, and rapidly increasing entropy of the universe the biggest mystery still confronts me in the mirror every morning.

    I am very familiar with rock bottom, having spent more time there than anyone reasonably should. but of all the things I could hit, I think it's my favorite.

Monday, 20 August 2007

Friday, 17 August 2007

Friday, 10 August 2007

  • Well, again, this is it-- my last day in Oak Ridge.

    The car is packed, I've fed the fish, everything has been charged enough to (hopefully) last two days... and still I'm waiting around, tying and retying my shoelaces. And thinking about all the other "last days in Oak Ridge" I've had. There is always a strangely transient feeling around those days, no matter how normal things are otherwise.

    When I was 6 and my mom and I moved to Toronto;
    Although technically more of a Last Day in Clinton or most accurately a Last Day in Anderson County since we didn't really live in a town, I'd been with Stephanie all day yesterday and I was still excited about that and impatient to leave. I kept getting in the moving van and hiding in the furniture.

    When I was 11 and we moved to Germany;
    Mainly I remember lying awake in bed in the morning and listening to the cars of everyone going to school drive off, since we didn't leave until late August and everyone else was already in school, and I was feeling smug... although quite frightened.

    When I was 18 and I went to university for the first time;
    I was with Annah and Elycia all day and at the end of the day we hugged for about five minutes straight before I got in my car and drove home, and my dad was a little upset because I was with my friends all day instead of him, so we took pictures on the back deck, and then my mom and I drove off.

    I'm not quite sure whether this trip is going to qualify as exciting or depressing. Probably both.

Pulse

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